Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it glows. i had to have it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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