And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
