U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
