I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
