it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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