My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
