but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
