you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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