the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
