Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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