If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize