We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
