Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize