Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
