So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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