Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
