Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
