Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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