For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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