she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
