Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
