I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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