He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
