What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
