I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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