i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
