is your mom at the bar?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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