You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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