I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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