I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
