Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
