I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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