Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
