I just threw up on my dentist
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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