I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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