I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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