nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
organizing the empties. That sober.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize