I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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