I wish I could teleport
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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