I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
