My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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