so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize