They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I've blown a few things in my day
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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