he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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