I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
