I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
