I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
