I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
