somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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