You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
