Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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