I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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