We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
please come you make the beer taste better
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize