Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
