Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize