I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
