i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize