not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
