I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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