I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
