Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
