Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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