I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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