Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
