Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
